Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
