sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
