I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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