What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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