Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
