I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
