I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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