you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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