Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry about my life...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
