looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
