If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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