I wanna passion pit in your ass
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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