I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
