what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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