i already hear my dad disowning me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's never too late to be topless.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
