I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
