Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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