anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
