I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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