why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize