i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
