I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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