i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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