Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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