my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
