Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
