I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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