At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
