Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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