So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
