would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I enjoy the company of your penis
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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