guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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