I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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