I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
