Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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