Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
