im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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