no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
