You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
