i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
