I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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