i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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