I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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