ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
