Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
