bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize