remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
