ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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