Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
