when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
