dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
