Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I cockslap morals
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
