There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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