I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
