i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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