the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway