Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.