Define "chronic" masturbator.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess