Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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