if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
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I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
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I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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