I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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