no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
