I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize