I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
