she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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