Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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