Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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