So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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