omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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