your parents love me but you hate me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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