Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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