After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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